“Just be yourself” the best and worst advice

The two sides of the coin

You might have heard it before. Whether you are preparing for a college or job interview, one of the most common pieces of advice I’ve heard from mentors and recruiters is “just be yourself.” The thing is, depending on where you are in life, there can be two outcomes from this advice. The first outcome is the one we all want. We understand those three simple words, and with confidence, we think “perfect, I’ll be my best self and I’ll get that job, or I will succeed at that interview”. However, there is another side of that advice that I haven’t heard many people talk about; the side where you have absolutely no idea what being yourself means.

I don’t know who I am

For a long time, I was on the other side of the coin. Lost, confused, and failing, all because I was conflicted with myself. Whenever I heard, “be yourself,” I would become more confused and even a bit sad. I think that this is a completely understandable response. We can use those negative feelings against themselves. That is what I tried. Even though I was sad for not getting a call back or not getting the job, I tried again and learned a little bit more about myself. Every time I tried and failed, I kept coming back a little bit better with a hint more of confidence because I was getting to know a piece of me each time. I think the best way to find out who you are is by doing things you’ve never done before or doing things you don’t think you would enjoy. For me, it was going to many career fairs and talking with many recruiters, and for a time, being rejected many times. However, I took advantage of those uncomfortable situations, and instead of giving up, I looked back and asked myself, “how can I be better in my own way?” Failing or other sad situations will never go away. Life is never constant. It changes. It has its good, average, and bad phases. The key thing for me was to acknowledge and understand my feelings and behavior in each of those phases. Self-reflecting helped me greatly into knowing who I am.

Path to know yourself

Now that I know a little bit more of who I am, I know what I like and don’t like. I know that sometimes I’m very shy and other times extremely outgoing. I know I can be patient, resilient and that I can achieve great things if I leave the negative self-talk out of my mind. I also know I often get upset when I’m hungry, or sometimes I just don’t want to talk to anyone. The important thing for me is to adapt and self-reflect. Understand that knowing yourself is something you do every day and that you are your biggest cheerleader. There is no one book or recipe that can exactly tell you how to get to know yourself. This is something that you have to do yourself by living different experiences, by trying, failing, and getting back at it.

One day it will make sense

“Just be yourself.” The worst advice if you feel lost. But, if you are feeling lost, know that you can get through it. Know that the road is not easy, but you can always start with a small step or change. Little by little you will become the person you already are you just don’t see it clearly yet. One day, the advice, “be yourself,” will make sense.